Blackout Page 4

  “Either way, I’d get you against me.”

  Suddenly the air between them was thick—thick in ways she had never understood. Distance became something both essential and maddening. She wanted to bury her face in his chest and wish everything away. This whole mess with Buckingham, the damned tape, the job, everything. In another life, perhaps they could have been together.

  This life remained burdened with reality.

  “I’d try to kiss you goodnight,” Lennon continued softly. “And you’d let me.”

  “Probably.”

  “No.” His voice was firm. “Not probably. You’d let me. I’d be a gentleman at first. Chaste, but not too chaste. I’d want to get enough of you in my mouth to carry you home with me and give me something to look forward to next time.”

  She arched a brow. “There’d be a next time?”

  “Without a doubt. And a time after that. Who knows? If we’d met then, we…” He broke his gaze from hers, sighing. “I don’t know. But it’d have been something. Whatever your ex did to you wasn’t because of you.”

  “I never thought it was.”

  “Yes, you did. I know you, Kenz.” He tapped his temple. “You know it in the head, but you’d wonder what if all the same.”

  She crossed her arms. “I didn’t realize you were an expert on all things me.”

  “You didn’t realize a lot of things.”

  “Just what every girl likes to hear. Anything else?”

  “Just this—if I had a girl like you waiting at home, nothing could have taken my eye off the ball. I’d get through each day knowing you were out there thinking of me, wishing me home.” He eyed the tape. “And that? If you’d sent me that, it would have been nothing but a bittersweet reminder of what I had to look forward to.”

  Kenzie licked her lips. “But you would’ve jerked to it.”

  “Well, obviously. Point being, the tape’s not you. It’s a substitute for you. I never thought I’d get the real thing.”

  The elevator fell silent once more. If possible, the space between them felt heavier. Kenzie didn’t realize the ache in her head was the echo of her thundering heart until she noted how tingly her fingers felt. How every inch of her body trembled under the larger meaning of his words. She swallowed again, but her throat ran dry.

  “Why didn’t we do this?”

  “What?”

  “The others at Doran and Gage fool around with their secretaries all the time. It’s practically a job requirement.”

  Lennon shook his head. “You aren’t the kinda woman one fools around with.”

  “So you never wanted to…I dunno, date?”

  “Interoffice romance is prohibited.”

  “But interoffice fucking isn’t.”

  “You got it. Anything more than fucking and you’re bringing your laundry to work. Relationships get complicated.” He released a shuddering breath, and found the courage to solider on. “But if you’re asking if it were up to me…I’d have asked you to dinner right off. And the more I got to know you, the more I’d want to know. The more…”

  “The more what?”

  “You name it.” Lennon paused. “If I’d asked you out, would you have said yes?”

  She smirked. “Are you kidding? I’ve already admitted to having had a crush on you.”

  “That doesn’t mean you’d go out with me.”

  “Actually, that’s exactly what that means. What planet are you from?”

  He offered a weak, self-aware smile. “You really had a crush on me?”

  “Gee, is that just now sinking in?”

  “How did we get here? You secretly liking me, me secretly liking you…”

  “You watching a tape I made for my ex…”

  The smile faded. “There are only so many ways a man can apologize.”

  “Well, you haven’t gone through enough of them yet.”

  “What do you want from me? I knew it was wrong, but I—”

  “Couldn’t stop,” she supplied for him. “Yeah. You’ve said that a time or two.”

  “It hasn’t stopped being the truth.”

  “It’s a child’s excuse. You should have destroyed the damn thing—”

  Lennon’s gaze fell. “I know.”

  “Or a million other things. You should have—”

  “I’ve already been over the million things I should have done. What more do you want from me?”

  Kenzie stared at him for a long beat, then broke off with a short, incredulous laugh. “You asshole,” she snapped. “An apology crocks up to nothing if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for. You think I’m pissed because you saw me doing…that? Sure. I’m pissed. You think I’m embarrassed because you kept watching it? Check. The fact that it cost me my job—”

  “That was never my intent—”

  “Means shit compared to the fact that I trusted you.”

  The words immediately spawned life, forming into a mass she couldn’t control. She knew Lennon didn’t understand the significance of what she’d said at first. He blinked several times before comprehension dawned, and when it did, he seemed to have a hard time reestablishing eye contact. For whatever reason, his ostensible unease fed her courage, and Kenzie seized it before it broke away again.

  “I had no reason to trust you, and trust doesn’t come easy for a woman who’s walked in on her boyfriend fucking somebody else. But you kept doing these little things…picking me up something on the way to the office, forwarding me emails you knew I’d like, sending me reviews of movies I’d told you I wanted to see. Little stupid things that I thought meant something. You can’t form trust off that, but you talked to me, not my boobs. You talked to me like I was…I dunno, someone else. And like a big damn idiot, I trusted you.”

  Lennon recoiled as though slapped. “Kenz—”

  “And that was why I liked you. Why I…I thought you were a friend. I thought I was more to you than just…what I ended up being.”

  “Stop it. You know you were.”

  “A friend doesn’t keep secrets like this, especially if you’re the subject of the secret.”

  Lennon sat quiet for a moment, though she could see the wheels in his head turning. And when he did speak, his tone wasn’t as she expected.

  “I’m sorry for that,” he said softly. “For betraying your trust. I didn’t mean for that to be a side-effect of what happened.” A pause. “But I didn’t know you felt that way.”

  “And that makes it okay?”

  “Of course not. Nothing makes what I did okay. But what I did wasn’t…” His brow furrowed, a wave of frustration crashing over his face. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Then don’t talk.”

  “I didn’t realize our relationship meant as much to you as it did to me,” he said. “I wanted you the moment you walked in my office. And then I got to know you, and I wanted you more. That video…” He shot the offending tape a derisive glare. “If I could burn it now I would.”

  She kept her anger close to her chest as long as she could, but the more she looked at him, the harder it became to maintain. Whatever else, Lennon genuinely hadn’t meant to hurt her. No matter what had happened, the results of his actions had been unintentional.

  “You have no idea how hard I tried.”

  Kenzie looked up. Lennon’s attention was somewhere on the floor between them, his shoulders slumped.

  “I shelved it,” he said. “I knew I should throw it away, but I couldn’t. I wanted you, and that was the you I got.”

  “You’ve told me this already.”

  “I need to tell you again.” He met her eyes. “I didn’t mean—”

  Kenzie held up a hand. “I know. I get so…that’s my gut reaction, Lennon. I just…I just get so angry so easily now. I think it’s Hunter—armchair self-diagnosis, but there it is. I don’t want to be like this, but I open my mouth and all this anger comes out.”

  Lennon laughed outright at that. “Something tells me being upset that someo
ne you trusted was jacking off every free chance he got to a tape of you doing the same is kinda expected.”

  She nodded numbly. “I just thought you had used me, I guess. And that hurt.”

  “I’d never use you.”

  “I know.” She exhaled deeply. “And I’m sorry for using you. For earlier.”

  “If that’s how you use a man, consider me eager for abuse.”

  “Lennon…”

  “You’re my fantasy, I’m yours. How about we stop apologizing for that? It’s getting a little ridiculous.”

  She smiled gratefully. “You always think these things will go differently in real life.”

  “Always?”

  “Well, if they happen.”

  “Would it be in bad taste to ask my fantasy for one thing?”

  Kenzie shrugged. “Who cares at this point?”

  “I do.” His eyes dropped to her mouth, and her throat tightened. “If I leave here without knowing what it’s like to kiss you, I’m gonna regret it forever.”

  The seconds spanning that moment from the next blurred in a heady rush. In a blink, Kenzie found herself on the other side of the elevator, her legs astride Lennon’s thighs and his mouth on hers. First touch rendered her an addict; the soft swipe of his lips against hers—searching, finding, loving her with each caress—stirred within her something she hadn’t known existed. His fingers roamed into her hair, tugging and twisting as they had when his cock had been in her mouth, but gentler now, as though he had much more to lose. Her dampened center found his erection and strained against it, rubbing wantonly in desperate need of friction. He tasted like coffee and peppermint, smelled of his usual woodsy cologne, though under a layer of work and wear from the office. His tongue teased rather than plundered, taking delicate, tentative tastes of her own before becoming more boisterous. She captured his cheeks between her hands, needing and demanding more. Needing something she couldn’t name but would chase until she could declare it hers.

  Kenzie dragged her lips away when she remembered she had to breathe, her head rocking back and her eyes fixating on the ceiling. Lennon’s lips took a detour down her throat, showering her skin with soft kisses, each of which went straight to her clit. More, more, more. She needed more. If now was all she’d have, then she’d take whatever she’d get.

  “Kenzie,” Lennon growled, fisting her sweatshirt. “Stop me.”

  “No.”

  “I’m warning you…”

  “Consider me warned.” Kenzie leveled her gaze with his and kissed him again, briefly this time. “Look at me and tell me you want me to stop you.”

  He made a visible effort to obey, but those words never came. Instead, he lunged for her mouth, pushing her back until she was pressed against the floor.

  Yes, this was what she wanted. Lennon—hard and fast, deep and hungry.

  Perhaps once she’d had him, once she knew how he felt, she’d be able to move on.

  Perhaps she’d be able to face the future without looking back.

  Five

  If he was asleep, the jury was out on whether this was a dream come true or a nightmare in the making. The pendulum seemed sensitive to the slightest twitch. Right now, Lennon was back on dream. Kenzie’s hot body was beneath his, warm and wiggling, gasps peeling off her eager mouth. He had already managed to wrestle one of her legs free, had already nipped at one of the yellow stars decorating her blue and pink panties. A small circle of dew had formed at her crotch, and while he was eager to rip the offending fabric aside once and for all, there was something tantalizing about having nothing but a thin strip of cotton separating his skin from hers.

  Lennon palmed her pussy and pressed softly. “You have any idea,” he whispered, “how long I’ve wanted this?”

  A feisty grin kissed her lips. “If I didn’t before…”

  He chuckled, settling himself between her thighs. His gaze again drifted over the moist circle at her center. There were so many things he wanted to do—exploring her, tasting her as she’d tasted him, was at the top of the list. He’d pulled his cock enough nights with the image of his cheeks captured between her thighs to warrant his own Pay-Per-View channel. Yet he wasn’t sure how much of his fantasy he wanted fulfilled right now. There would be time elsewhere—time and better accommodations, at the very least.

  Kenzie didn’t deserve a quick scuffle in the elevator. She deserved one of those grand romantic gestures with a price tag he’d feel for a couple months. But this moment was fleeting, and as soon as the elevator doors opened, everything would be thrown into question again. They still hadn’t reached a consensus on the Buckingham file, and she remained conflicted about the videotape. Even more so, Lennon lived in the real world. Happily-ever-afters didn’t exist, and they certainly didn’t emerge from encounters like this.

  He might be enamored with Kenzie, but fantasy often crumbled when it was fulfilled. People fell in love with a person they’d created and imposed onto someone else’s face. Yet Lennon likewise attempted to keep himself grounded, focusing on what he knew rather than what he hoped or assumed. Everything he knew about Kenzie made him want to love her. Not even the crime of breaking into his home could detract from the person he knew she was. Her desperation coupled with her resentment and confusion had led her to do something she wouldn’t otherwise do.

  However, he wasn’t so infatuated he’d allow himself to believe there was something after this. Kenzie had certainly given him no indication, and there was too much between them to hope for anything else.

  Yet all the knowing in the world couldn’t keep him from maintaining one sliver of maybe, just maybe.

  Lennon’s index finger pressed between Kenzie’s pussy lips, dipping the wet cotton against her drenched flesh. “I’ve always wondered something…”

  Kenzie inhaled deeply, arching her hips into his touch. “Oh yeah?”

  “In the video, you’re so wet. Incredibly wet. What did you do to get yourself excited?”

  “I didn’t need anything,” she answered. “The experience…”

  “You got off on filming yourself?”

  Kenzie bit her lower lip, but this time he couldn’t tell if it was due to uncertainty or nervousness. Perhaps it was a combination.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes?”

  “Mmm. Not the film itself,” she replied. “Knowing someone would watch it. That someone would see me like that, at my most… I dunno, it did something to me.” She paused. “I wondered…what would happen if it got lost.”

  Lennon hooked his fingers under her crotch line and pushed the cotton aside, baring her wet pussy to his hungry eyes.

  “Did you?”

  “If someone else found it.”

  “And watched you.”

  “But I didn’t want that,” she insisted, her voice strained. “I really didn’t.”

  “I know,” he replied honestly. And he did. The sexual thrill of being watched versus the reality of being watched were two different things, especially when the person watching was one’s former boss. Lennon wasn’t one to pick apart semantics. One of his former girlfriends used to get off reading ménage erotic romances, but whenever he jokingly suggested bringing someone else into bed with them, she would spiel out a lecture that would do any law professor proud.

  Fantasy and reality lived in two different worlds. Right now, for Lennon, those worlds had merged. He wasn’t stupid enough to think it would last.

  Kenzie gasped, arching when the pad of his thumb settled over her swollen clit. Seeing her up close was something out of another person’s life. He felt he knew her every crevice. The birthmark on her inner thigh, the indention of her belly, the familiar way her body shook—it was like stepping into a movie and discovering details he hadn’t known to miss. The warm scent of her excitement tickled his nostrils, and his tongue was eager to delve into her flesh, lap her up from the inside out and feel its way around her clitoris.

  “Yes,” she answered at last, and it took him a moment to remembe
r what he’d last said. “The…idea of someone…watching me, and…”

  “Getting hot?”

  She nodded feverishly.

  Lennon grinned and, unable to tease her or himself a moment longer, leaned in and dragged his tongue from slit to clit. Kenzie moaned, her eyes squeezing shut and her hands flailing about the floor as though searching for something to grab. Her liquid heat exploded in his mouth, and he knew then one taste would never be enough.

  “You know how hot it got me,” he said, nuzzling her wet flesh. “I showed you.”

  Kenzie nodded again. “Oh yes.”

  “When you found the tape, before you got angry, what did you think?”

  A ghost of a frown danced across her face. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean.” Lennon sucked two fingers inside his mouth. He held her gaze and slowly dragged them out, nice and lubricated, then pushed them to her opening.

  “I mean,” he said again, “did you think of me, watching you and masturbating?”

  Kenzie’s eyes widened and she settled back again. “Yes.”

  “How’d that make you feel?”

  “Pissed.”

  “Besides that.”

  “Horny as fuck,” she said. “Do you have any idea how hard it is breaking the law while turned on beyond belief?”

  Lennon shuddered and rewarded her honesty by licking her clit again, his fingers slipping into her cunt. She enveloped him like warm velvet, soaked and fiery hot, her body drawing him in, and in he followed. Kenzie gasped again, fisting a handful of his hair and thrusting herself wantonly against his mouth. Yet, despite his innate desire to consume her fully, drown in her juices until her taste had branded itself permanently on his tongue, he wanted the payout to be good. He wanted to drag it out as much as possible.

  If this was all he had, he wanted to make the most of it.

  Lennon dropped a kiss across the birthmark on her inner thigh, admiring the way her fleshy, womanly folds fit around his fingers.

  “So,” he said.

  Kenzie looked up again, frustration marring her face. “So?”

  “You had a crush on me.”

  She stared at him for a moment before snorting with laughter. “You really wanna talk about that now?”